Plushies and Dragons

I like travelling, and there’s still plenty of the world left for me to see. Distant lands and the ever reaching horizon are out of sight but never entirely out of mind. There’s a rush to it; of planting your feet on unfamiliar soil, amongst unfamiliar faces. I’ve been eating and drinking since I was…

Fan Before Sport

Of all the sports people have concocted, football by far exceeds all others in inspiring enthusiasm. And by enthusiasm, I refer to the cult. Hooliganism, religious zealotry, club supporters. And no country suffers from a football fandom greater than England. So as someone who does not particularly care for spherical shapes, over-priced polyester shirts, or…

Best Served Cold

There are times when the rules aren’t enough, when justice fails to take action. In these moments, we feel obliged to seek it out ourselves, and it can be bloody, and cruel and dark. This is what I discovered at school, in a far lighter sense. Perhaps it even prepared me for the real world…

Childlike Clarity

For most of us the world is a different place when you’re child. You see it differently, and therefore you act differently and it always makes perfect irrefutable sense. So when adults look at what a child is doing, cocks their heads top one side and raise their eyebrows in sheer disbelief, they ought to…

True Love and Bloodshot Eyes

One of the more frustrating flaws I must contend with is my social shortcomings. In a single title you could describe me as an unwilling hermit, lacking the necessary skills to enter any conversation smoothly, to strike up any meeting, to catch another person’s eye without the slightest risk of cowering in the nearest cupboard…

The Joy to Destroy

I hold myself to a high standard on a variety of things, some which others may be less inclined by. I am not satisfied unless my signature joins perfectly when I write, and will endeavour to cross out and retry if it’s not quite right (this at times can be a little suspicious whenever I’m…

Academic Circus

My school liked nothing better than impressing parents. Showing off at any given opportunity. the school’s precious reputation was at stake you see (and for a school that accepted sixth form students with as few as only five GCSE’s at C grade, that’s so important. For those unfamiliar with the British system, your average person…

Zombie make-up tutorial

I’ve had few major injuries in my lifetime (plenty of minor ones though. Ever since I was a child I’ve been a human pinball. You might be surprised to hear it’s not as fun as actual pinball). But there was one that left its scars on me, and not the cool battle-hardened scars you hope…

Arms race

Everyone at one point or another goes through a phase of some kind. Some whim that mutates into a minor obsession, whether it’s fuelled by delusion or the pursuit of being ‘cool’. Usually they’re fairly harmless; you lose a little bit of time, a little bit of money and a pinch of self respect every time…

Underhand Tactics

My school had no moral mortar holding all its crumbling bricks together. They were far intent on results to care so much about how they achieved them. That usually meant one of two things: raise exam grades, or raise money.   French department: The French department was suffering; grades were low and popularity had dramatically…

Sweat shop interpreter

I love studying languages. Back at school I took as many as I could get my hands on. Spanish, French, German, Japanese. At university this list only increased further. I was one of only two students who was fascinated with language learning, and that put us both in a precarious position. You see, you don’t…

Righteous motives

Faith is something some of you have, some of you don’t and most of you would rather avoid talking about. It’s very much similar to the chance of getting a broken egg at breakfast; some of you will have it, some won’t, and when you picture your mother’s rage over how hard she works for…